A Warning Please

Transitions are important, whether it’s saying good-bye to a friend, the park or bath time. When transitions are sudden, children often feel really disappointed. There are many ways that parents can prepare their children to move on to the next activity. After a few warnings, our family sings the good-bye song. We’re also learning to put playful parenting into practice by coming up with fun ways to leave the park – like making a bridge of leaves to the car. A warning of some sort is important, though. I recently learned this lesson first-hand.

“Okay, we’re leaving now. Time to go,” my partner told me. I was in the middle of writing and I wanted to finish getting my idea on paper.

I responded, “We give our daughter a five-minute warning. I think I need one of those from now on.”

He employed a suggestion he’d heard about during his support group for fathers at the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting (CNVEP) and he asked, “How much time do you need to wrap things up and be ready to walk out the door?” I needed ten minutes.

The exchange felt good, not like past interactions where he fights to get me moving and I fight to finish my task. In that situation, he’s left feeling frustrated thinking that I don’t care about our family time and I’m left feeling unheard thinking that he doesn’t value my work. When I honored my ten-minute promise we both felt understood and we were both pleased with the outcome we’d worked out together.

I gained insight into how a child feels when a parent busts in on them and demands that they drop what they’re doing. The parent sees the kid playing and thinks that it’s not that important, but play is actually very deep stuff. Plus, there’s the issue of autonomy. No one wants to be told what to do with their life, their body or their time – including children. Demands do not feel good, no matter how old you are.

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