A Flooding of Emotions

One day, my one-and-a-half year old daughter, Marli, and I were at a café when she had a very public meltdown. Before that happened, I got a coffee and then we sat down to share some blueberries that I brought for snack time. When it was time to leave, Marli wanted to hold the bag of blueberries and I let her. Unfortunately, before we made it out the door of the crowded café the blueberries spilled all over the floor. People turned to look.

Marli and I cleaned-up the blueberries together and put them back in their bag. She wanted to reach back into the bag, grab the blueberries and continue eating them. I explained that the floor was very dirty. I’m not too nervous about immune building germs, but that floor was so dirty that I’m pretty sure it was originally white and not black.

“These aren’t good for eating now, baby. We need to throw them away.” Rather than throwing the blueberries away, Marli threw herself on the floor, rolled in the thick disgustingness and cried. Activity in the café stopped and all eyes were on us. I felt a little embarrassed, but I did not take it out on her. I didn’t allow my embarrassment or fear of judgment take over. Instead, I tried to empathize with her big, overwhelming feelings instead.

I didn’t tell Marli to stop having her feelings or to “behave.” I know that I’m certainly not capable of accessing my higher, rational brain when I’m flooded, so I don’t expect that from my child.

I’ve learned that she is soothed by sound, so I used my voice. I knelt down and I said, “I know, this is hard. You’re sad because you were really enjoying the blueberries. You must be really sad.” Marli recovered quickly, otherwise I may have moved outside out of respect for the other customers.

I suggested that we say bye-bye to the berries and then put them in the trash. I asked if Marli would like to carry them over to the trash. She did, she said bye, kissed the bag and she threw them away. I hugged her and said, “I know that was hard.” I replayed the situation to help her process and understand what had happened. “You were really enjoying the berries and they fell on the ground and got dirty, so we had to throw them away. It’s hard to say good-bye so suddenly to something you enjoy so much.” Marli is learning valuable lessons, like how to work through difficult feelings, and I am learning how to support her through that process.

As we were leaving for the second time, I glanced around and noticed people smiling and nodding at us. They appeared to be touched by what had just occurred. Perhaps they too were soothed thinking about how it would feel to have someone empathize with them and support them. Imagine if you lived in a community where people really knew how to empathize with and support one other. Perhaps one family at a time we can begin creating that world together.

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