I yelled and I feel awful.
Marli, my three-year-old, wanted chocolate milk (Organic, but still has sugar) and for various reasons I set a limit and said no. She cried and screamed in the backseat. I tried to maintain my connection with her and say, "I know it's hard when we can't have something we really want." But, I was getting tense.
I turned up the music in an attempt to drown her out. This upset her more. She's not a fan of loud sounds. I tried practicing what my therapist calls the law of attraction by telling myself, "I am calm," instead of, "I'm going to lose it." This was working, till it wasn't. I pulled over the car and got out so that I could take some deep breaths. We were almost home. I was going to make it.
Then, I just snapped. I got flooded with emotions and I yelled, "SHUT UP!"
Marli's face crumbled even more as she sobbed, "You scared me."
I felt terrible.
When we got home we made a book about it. We read the book over and over. We talked about how she felt and I said sorry. We cuddled. We repaired the rupture.
My goal is to not lose it...I mean to remain calm, but is this an achievable goal? Some days it feels impossible. Here's what is achievable: learning what triggers me and what soothes me. The day I yelled I was REALLY hungry. I know that if I don't tend to my own needs I will lose it more quickly.
So, I know that in order to remain calm, I must remain nourished. I must tend to my own needs. As parents, we sometimes put our needs last, but we must take care of ourselves if we're going to be any good for our families.
Go recharge, go nourish yourself, go take care of you today!
Awwww! Poor Mommy! It's rough when you loose it as a parent. But, it's important to remember that we are all humans, and even though we try our best to be in control, sometimes we lose it! Attachment Parenting can really teach you a lot about your limits as well as those of your children. I hate to admit that I tend to be a "yeller" sometimes! It really hurts my kids feelings, and it makes me feel so bad when they tell me that I am scary. I can relate. Hang in there Sister and just keep trying all you can do is your best. :)
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