Ruth Beaglehole's Response to the Last Post

First, it sounds so hard--for you and for Marli.

I am sure she was scared that Mama was not feeling well.

I understand your limit--makes total sense that you would want her to accept Chris's help. In a flooded [emotional] state, her brain is not able to think rationally. Her emotional mid-brain is fully reacting and she is not in a place to think it through and understand from a rational place. It was a moment of vulnerability and how beautiful it was that she was able to say, in effect, that she need to have her core needs heard--connection, closeness, attention, trust and more. We are all babies at heart if that means being vulnerable and coming from a place of needs.

So hard at times like this not to want to place consistency over empathy. I would suggest holding the limit with empathy and kindness and absolutely validating her vulnerability.
Remember one can always go back and repair the disconnection, for instance you could say: "You really wanted Mama to help you and Mama was not feeling well. That was hard for you. You cried for a long time. I know it is hard when Mama can't help you when you need help. I am glad you cried because you were feeling sad!!"

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Ruth Beaglehole
Executive Director
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Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting (CNVEP)
P.O. Box 26938
Los Angeles, CA 90026